My sponsor texted me the other day: “You alive? Still sober?” I had to laugh because I just got back from the most fantastic family vacation to Disney World in Florida. I replied, “Yes, very much so!” (On a side note, DisneyWorld is an awesome venue for a sober vacation, especially if you have kids. Be wary of Epcot World Showcase, though, as there is quite a bit of public drinking going on).
The vacation would not have been possible without all my hard work over the last 6 months on my recovery. Not to mention that we could afford it now because my business has been so great during this time as well! I am very grateful and thankful for this.
But, there is also a double edged sword with quick success during recovery. Learning from past experience, one can start taking recovery for granted, and start slipping into old unhealthy mind-sets of over-confidence and denial based thinking. I have continued to attend my 4 meetings per week, and this has kept me grounded.
But I will share a hard moment recently during a night out for my wife’s birthday at a nice Italian restaurant, watching other diners enjoy their wine. “Ah, a glass of nice red Italian wine would be nice, I thought…” So the disease is always just below the surface, ready to pounce at a moment’s notice. My wife asked me if I was ok, and in the past I would have gnashed my teeth and said I was fine. But I was honest and said, no I wasn’t ok, I was have a hard time. I felt bad for her because she doesn’t know what it’s like. But fortunately the food came shortly after and the hand-rolled pancetta tortellini with cream sauce wiped out that craving completely! They say food kills the appetite…and in this case, the craving.
I hope someday that I won’t feel jealous pangs that I cannot enjoy a nice glass of wine at a fancy dinner. My friends in AA always say “this too shall pass.” In the meantime, I just have to recognize that I’m still in early recovery and I cannot control my thoughts, just my reaction to them.
Anyways, that’s all I got today. Carpe Diem and all that.
One day at a time…