But those two traits are huge liabilities in recovery. It certainly has been for me.
An over-inflated ego makes it much more difficult to achieve humility and identify with others in the recovery community. In the early days, I was certainly guilty of saying to myself, “Oh, I was never that bad” or “I’m much smarter than that guy — he made so many dumb decisions.” Or, “I graduated top of my class and was on Law Review, certainly I can out-smart this disease.” But the fact is that I am no different from “that guy.” And If I really took a hard and honest look at myself, I too kept making the insane decision to keep drinking, and if I didn’t stop I would have gotten another DUI, risking my law license, family and career in the process.
As for the analytic mind, there’s a saying that analysis leads to paralysis. Despite my natural intelligence and superior education, I have been unable to out-think the disease of addiction. At various points in my recovery, I actually thought I could! Trust me on this, it’s a pointless exercise in futility.
I have realized that for me the program of recovery is much more about action than thinking.
For me, action means getting to meetings, doing Step work, going to therapy, talking to my sponsor and others in the program, exercising, writing and reading.
The more I stay inside my own head analyzing why I became an alcoholic, why some of the Steps seem illogical, and why I’m feeling anxious and depressed, the more my recovery suffered. So I work on not analyzing everything in recovery. I’ll leave the analysis for my law practice.