attorney alcoholic

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me “Get a sponsor” when I first came into AA, I would be very rich. Did I listen? Of course not. I didn’t need a sponsor, I told myself. Sound familiar to anyone listening?

When I came out of Hazelden last summer, I did pick a sponsor who I thought was a good fit. He wasn’t. I talked to him maybe a handful of times. I should have found a better fit, but I thought going to 90 meetings in 90 days was sufficient. It wasn’t.

After this latest and hopefully last relapse, I asked “Matt” if he could be my sponsor. I was in an AWOL (Another Way Of Life) with Matt which is an intensive weekly step meeting with the same guys every week. Matt has some 15 years sobriety and is a complete hard-ass. He goes to a ton of meetings and has very high expectations. Exactly what I need. He requires that I call him every day, no exceptions unless you are on your deathbed. And he always asks if I’m still sober. I’m terrified to drink because he will kick my rear! I already missed a call, and he reamed me a new anus the next day. He also loves to bring up the times when I’ve hit bottom to remind me of how horrible it felt.

Tonight, he is taking me to a “commitment” at the local hospital to have a meeting at the detox ward. He said “it should make me feel less fucked up.”

We’ll see…that’s tough to do right now.

One day at a time…

~Dick

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Welcome to the Sober Lawyer Blog. I started this Blog to document my personal journey through recovery and sobriety as a recovering alcoholic attorney. In accordance with AA’s policy of anonymity, I will refer to myself as “Dick.” I thought it was fitting, because when I am drinking, I can be the biggest “Dick” ever.

I am an attorney practicing primarily in civil litigation. I have my own firm.

I entered Alcoholic’s Anonymous in November of 2010, after I finally *accepting* that my drinking was getting out of control. I got 90 days of sobriety, but then slipped and relapsed. I went to Hazelden’s 30 day program in Minnesota in the summer of 2011, after which I got 4 months sobriety. Unfortunately I relapsed in December 2011.

What’s different this time around is all the support I now have through the AA fellowship. After I “went out,” my AA buddies were right there to drag my ass back to meetings. They hugged me, told me it would be all right, and set up meetings and rides.

During recovery, I have always struggled with accepting the fact that I’m an alcoholic and can no longer drink safely and in control. Step 1. The litigator in me has always fought that notion.

After this latest “jackpot,” I pray that I am finally ready to surrender to this disease. In the past, I’ve always left the door ever so slightly ajar that some day, maybe, I’ll “beat” this disease and enjoy a pina colada on the Hawaiian shore — that’s where I had my honeymoon. Stupid, I know, but that’s what goes through my brain.

My new sobriety date is December 26, 2011. The day after Christmas, and I’m Jewish!

Well, that’s it for now.

One day at a time…

~Dick

 

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