Step 2

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It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged here. Too long, actually.

As my handy AA iPhone app tells me, I’ve been sober for 71 days, 2.33 months, or 1705 hours. But who’s keeping track?!

So what’s been going on with my recovery? Well, not much other than staying sober. So that’s a good thing, actually.

I’ve been going to AA meetings 4-5 times per week. Two of the meetings are open discussion which allows me to share. The others are speaker meetings which makes me (more importantly) listen.  As they often say to newcomers:

Take the cotton out of your ears and stuff it in your mouth!

As with all meetings, I hang out and enjoy the “fellowship.”

I’ve been calling my sponsor every day, with the exception of a few busy nights. We had a little rough patch over the missed calls–he’s very strict — but we’re back on track. Checking in with a sponsor every day is definitely very beneficial. Prior to this last relapse, I didn’t have a sponsor, and it makes a huge difference now.

With my sponsor, I’m working Step 2 right now, which I previously wrote about in this post. As Step 2 implies (“came to believe…”), finding a Higher Power is a journey, and I’m figuring it out. I know my Higher Power isn’t me, and I think that’s half the battle. I find solace and empowerment in AA and the group, and that’s plenty powerful for me right now. Someday maybe it will be God or some type of divine power, but I’m just not ready to start God thumping right now.

I’m worried about Step 3. That’s when I will have even more difficulty. “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” I won’t necessarily have difficulty turning my will over to something other than myself. The step, as read literally though, says God (although as I understand him), but even with that proviso, I’m not sure I can “get away” with turning my will over to the group. Being an attorney, I think I tend to over-analyze and read too much into the specific language of the Steps. It reminds me of constitutional law where every word of the Constitution is parsed and dissected. Hey, that’s what I do.

Things are good at home and at work. My relationship with my wife has dramatically improved. The drinking/relapse just created such a negative vibe all the time, and I overreacted and got over-emotional to every little thing. I’m much more leveled-out.

Work is steady and busy. Ironically, I had my two best months ever this January and February. Funny how that works…

I “fired” my therapist, however, because he lacked enough experience in substance abuse. I need someone to give me straight talk, not keep turning the conversation back to me and saying the same things over and over again. So I need to find a new therapist.

I’m doing the reading, both Big Book, 12 & 12, and Hazelden’s Daily Reader. I’m also reading the Jewish Steps to Recovery which is neat. I also ordered God of Our Understanding, Jewish Spirituality & Recovery From Addiction, to help me with Step 3.

Between all the recovery stuff, managing an active law practice, fathering my young kids, I workout to P90X and sleep.

Well, that’s it for now.

One day at a time….



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